My Mom Blog

Today is my birthday and I feel like this is a perfect opportunity to reflect on how much I’ve changed since becoming a mom.

Sometimes I miss my old life, and I think it’s okay to say that.

I miss being able to get into the car without packing half the house.

I miss being able to sleep and wake up whenever I want to.

I miss going somewhere without calculating everything, like that meme from Always Sunny in Philadelphia. If you haven’t seen it, imagine a manic looking man pointing at a board with lines going in every direction. Calculating nap times, diapers, snacks, trying to get home before my son falls asleep for even 5 minutes because he won’t nap.

I miss having time that was completely mine.

I miss getting ready without someone needing something from me every few seconds.

I miss the spontaneousness. The let’s just go kind of days. No schedule. No trying to get things done before or after naptime.

I miss the smell of the cellar. I miss being around the tanks, checking fermentations, and feeling like I was creating something

And sometimes, I even miss the version of myself who didn’t constantly have a list running in her head of everything that needed to be done. Albeit this did happen before I become a mom, but it was mostly centered around work.

Now, there are a lot of things I don’t miss.

I don’t miss wondering what my life was supposed to look like.

I don’t miss having all this time and not realizing how valuable it was. Time is such a thief. The days might be long but man, are the years short.

I don’t miss coming home to a quiet house, without giggles, squeals, and the pitter patter of little feet.

I don’t miss the little moments I used to overlook because I was always waiting for the next thing.

Let me tell you. Now, the smallest things feel huge.

A little hand reaching for mine.

A running hug.

A laugh from the other room.

A “Mama” coming from someone who thinks I’m the safest place in the world.

Motherhood has taken pieces of my old life away. It has also given me a life that I didn’t fully understand before I lived it. That’s the part that no one really tells you.

You can miss who you were. You can miss your freedom. You can miss sleeping in and sleeping uninterrupted. You can miss having a life that was a little easier.

While still being grateful for the life that you have now. Motherhood isn’t about becoming a completely different person. It’s about becoming someone new while carrying pieces of who you used to be.

I miss a few things and I don’t miss a few things. So, this is me now. Here’s to motherhood and here’s to 33 :).