There’s something strange about going on a vacation without your child.
The company my husband works for has an incentive trip every year that if they meet a certain sales goal. This year, my husband earned a spot on the trip and were lucky enough to spend time at the beautiful Four Seasons in Los Cabos, Mexico. The salesperson can take their significant other on vacation with the company, and they pay the majority of the expenses. Sounds amazing right? Well, there’s one catch: no children are allowed.
I spent so much time looking forward to this trip. I planned the outfits, imagined sleeping in, enjoying a meal without interruptions, reading ALL the books, not having to plan my entire day based on sleeping schedules(except my own), and having a little uninterrupted time to just be myself with my husband.
One thing that made leaving a little easier was knowing he was in such good hands. We are blessed to have family that are willing and are able to watch him even besides this trip. He was surrounded by people who love him just as much as we do, who would keep him happy, safe, and spoiled while we were away. I didn’t have to worry about if he was okay because I knew he was.
Then it came time for us to leave.
Suddenly, the little person I spend every single day with wasn’t there. It was so quiet. I was wondering what he was doing. I looked at pictures and videos. I probably talked about him more than I have ever talked about anything else before I left.
Somewhere between enjoying tacos and missing hearing “mama” and asking for bites of my food, I realized something. Both of these feelings can exist at the same time.
I can miss my son terribly and still have a wonderful vacation. Of course, we FaceTimed whenever we could. I’d get to see his sweet little face, hear his voice, and catch up on all the things he was doing while we were away. We watched videos of him playing and laughing, which somehow made the distance feel a little smaller. It wasn’t quite the same as being there to hear his giggles in person, but those little moments meant more than I can explain.
I can be a devoted mother and still be a person who deserves adventures, rest, and time with the people I love.
Motherhood doesn’t erase the person you still are. Taking a little time to reconnect doesn’t make you any less of a mom.
Maybe the best thing we can do is give ourselves permission to enjoy both chapters: the ones with our little ones beside us and the ones where we get to miss them from somewhere beautiful.
When we come home, those little arms are still waiting.
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